by Airman Trout

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produced by theo in the trout cave

for your own sake, listen with headphones

to all the people whose names we used, we love you


released June 13, 2013

dustin: drums, spoken word
patrick: bass, vocals
theo: guitar, vocals

kevin: additional vocals on track 3 and gang vocals on track 1

lyrics by people that sing them

shirt made by pat in preschool or something
artwork by mazzy bell



all rights reserved


Airman Trout Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

dead as fuck
high school bois

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Track Name: jesse grubb (you're like the love letter i never wrote)
pat: i'm not feeling like the kid i used to be
with my long hair cut short
and my growing poignancy
you'll look back at all the memories you had
and think about how much i suck and how i treated you so bad

but i'm not him

if i could cut off all the veins between my heart to my head
i'd feel the same because in my brain i know i'm already dead
inside my lungs there's a voice telling me not to breathe
and i'm trying my best not to let it get to me
(it won't shut the fuck up and i can't stop listening)

theo: i've fallen way to far down
left with nostalgic memories of times when only half of you had let me down

shave your beard if that's how you're going to act
cause no one wants to kiss a face through such a hairy mask
your voice cracks are just what we needed
so just close your eyes and shout it like you mean it

pat: i'm not going back to the times
i left all my friends at blair mill
the way we felt when we were alive
with broken hearts
we held our scars high

theo: i've fallen back down years of progress have taken me back to the exact same place, the exact same empty town
Track Name: hair like bruce winchell
theo: i'm coughing fully clothed in a bathroom
drowning notes in a pool of bile and tears
full release, scrub away all traces of courage
all that got me out of bed through the past three years

we were alone but we were alone together
we scarred cathartic scratches all across each other's backs
sympathetic urges borne within the depths of our chest
as we remember the lives we're never getting back

choked up by past mistakes
and what i became
i'm sorry, but i don't think i can help but make them again

coughing blood, red pain dripping from our lips
as the trembling of your voice matched your fingertips
as they closed my eyes and fell away

look what you've done

you drank all of your pain away
but i'm convinced you're still not okay
there's nothing left,
you threw away your world just for a safe escape
you're just like him

pat:i can't see my eyes have swollen shut
but thats that's okay it's been the times i can't see that have kept me sane
i'll close my eyes and i'll hope the pain goes away
i'll close my eyes and i know that i'll be okay
Track Name: eleanor wallace crazee (explanation point)
theo: i lost another fish today
i can't say which because i named them all sammy
he was the cute one
why are they always the first to go

dead fish flakes fall untouched
unlocked, i wait and watch
for your worried walks up wavered speech to hear you say my name

stairs creak, harsh white light leaks
through water throwing glowing glares across our chest,
in attempts at giving shame

i'm a stranger in my body
i'm a stranger on your chest
i just need to know you love me
and will let me cry all day about my fish

and it's okay for you to live without me
because i kill everything that i love
i'm scared to learn that i'm not different
just the same shitty kid that i was

it's okay for you to live without me
because i kill everything that i love
that's just the thing about me
i hate everything that i wish i was

kev: we’ll just go back to that day
before we went our separate ways
and happy just to hear you say
you’d fix all of the things I break
pets are dead, but that’s okay
as long as you stay here today
when you’re not there its not the same
i'll get past this fucking day

theo: it's okay to live without me
but it's a shame we live at all

dustin: what do you want me to do
am i supposed to figure this out on my own
is there any chance that you could help me get through this
what about everything that we've been through
does that mean anything to you
why can't you stop me from fucking everything up all the time
what's happened to you
i guess we're done here